I have been a filmmaker for over ten years now. In that time my feelings towards filmmaking has been very up and down. I started out enthusiastic, with a love of filmmaking it was new and different. In time I have had my doubts at my lows convinced that filmmaking was not for me.
When I first started out my films where not very good. This is expected of course but I was partially amateur. The films I made at 15-17 where very rough. I showered one of my first films at a local film festival for under 18s. Clearly my film was the worse film shown there in terms of quality. However looking back it was likely the other teenagers had help making their films from their parents or school teachers. For myself I felt there was a definite definition between their films and mine.
My lack of early skills (coupled with the desire to work within an unreliable industry) lead to cynicism. I found it hard to be taken seriously that film was the profession I wished to pursue. I remember being told from one adult ‘I have saw better sh*t on YouTube’ after they watched one of my early short films in attempt of discouragement.
The truth is my films where not good when I started out, and I have been falsely taught that some people are born with talent and others are not. That if your not good at something straight away you should stop. This is an incorrect belief, my films have got better with practice . When I look back at my old short films I can clearly see that there have been major improvements. I am not a very talented filmmaker as I stand here now but I know I have improved in time and will continue to do so.
I have just launched a YouTube channel, already I feel that the films I am making are not good enough - but I know in time with practice I will improve. This is something to keep in mind you will get better with practice, everyone does. I haven’t been an avid filmmaker instead I've spent a few years working on other peoples films, staying well away from the camera and creative side. Not being good enough is something that always holds me back but I know ‘ in time’ ‘with practice’ I will continue to improve.
So yes the channel is new I am unsure just how the blogger / YouTuber route will suit me but in time I will figure my way around this online world and make it work for myself. I created a Vlog below looking back at my old shorts films. You can clearly how I improve from one film to the next.